Today, I am heartbroken. I woke up this morning, ready to my last five days before the Marine Corps Marathon, a plan that was in the works since February. When making the bed, I felt ‘something’ in my back – and not a good something. It was reminiscent of when I hurt my back four years ago and was basically not able to move normally for three weeks.I started to cry, some from the pain, but so much more from the fact that my dream has come to a different conclusion. I may not be able to run on Sunday. And if by some miracle I can ‘run’ the marathon, it will be much more walking with minimal, very slow running. I may not even be able to finish in the 6 1/2 hour time limit.
I’ve been a mess all day, grieving the loss of my dream, my expectations, the true results of my hard work for the last six months.My doctor said she would do everything she could to get me to the start line on Sunday, and that I should think positively because not all is lost. My physio said the same thing. But again, even if I get to the start line, I may not make it very far, let along finish. And if I finish, it will be a time that is not reflective of my effort over the training period.
I’m utterly devastated. This whole afternoon will be spent crying on and off, I can already tell.
All the hours spent running, all the shoes I’ve gone through, all the money I’ve spent on this trip. All the people who donated to my fundraising, all those who believed in me and said so by contributing. My husband, who accepted weekly long runs in stride and supported me throughout. I feel like I’m letting people down. I hate that feeling. I hate that I can’t complete this journey the way I wanted to. It’s out of my hands. I’m doing my stretches and pool-walking as instructed. I’m icing my back and taking it easy. I have two more physio appointments before I leave for DC. I’m doing what I can to get to the start line. I am thankful I have a doctor that understands how important this is to me, and she wants me to be successful. I’m appreciative of a physio who also understands and is trying to ensure she does the best job possible to help me get back to ‘more normal.’ I’m thankful for friends who are messaging me, dedicating runs to me, praying for a quick healing. I’m thankful for a husband that tells me he’s still proud of me even if I don’t get to run on Sunday.
I just wanted to let you all know. I’ll definitely post whether I end up running or not, but for now, it’s very much up in the air. So if you are so inclined, please do say a prayer for me so I can finish what I’ve started. Thank you.