I’m not going to Boston

The Baltimore Marathon 2018 – in memory of my mom

A while back I started a draft of a blog called ‘I’m going to Boston!’ because I thought I was going to be able to get a bib through a charity, raise a lot of money for a cause I believe in and want to support, and run the 2020 Boston Marathon in memory of my mom. The only thing that was missing was my fundraising page link, which I would have once I received confirmation that I had a bib. Unfortunately, the organisation received just one bib – and quite a bit of interest by runners wanting it. I found out today that I was not the recipient of that bib.

I guess that blog will remain in my drafts.

To say I am disappointed is an understatement. In fact, I’ve cried on and off all day from this news, feeling like I failed my mom. The fundraising minimum was $10,000, which is a very lofty goal that I was willing to take on as a way to contribute to helping ensure that no other family feels as lost and hopeless as my family did. That maybe my efforts would contribute to finding and providing better treatment options to people like my mom, people who are told they have glioblastoma and on average 12-15 months to live. I was ready to write my own cheque to ensure I reached my goal – and then some. Because it is important to me to do anything and everything I can to help find better treatments and resources for anyone who finds themselves in the tornado of a brain cancer diagnosis.

This afternoon, I’m sitting here mulling over my options for races, for fundraising efforts, and for ways to honour my mom’s memory, going through a box of tissues while I wipe tears from my eyes. In my brain, I know I didn’t fail my mom, but in my heart, that is all I feel has happened. Maybe I will instead run another race and choose to raise money for a charity that researches brain cancers and treatments for those facing the diagnosis. Maybe not this year. I guess I need some time to get over the disappointment of not being able to run a race that was going to be so symbolic and meaningful to me.

7 thoughts on “I’m not going to Boston

  1. Whether you run a race or not, your mom is very proud of you! And even though this may not be the race for you, there is another one out there waiting for you. Hugs my friend.

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    • I know all that in my head, but it my heart, it is a different story. I thought with everything lining up on the date of Boston (my husband could actually come with me as it is after tax season) and more, this was meant to be. But I guess not. I’ll figure out something else.

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  2. I can understand why you’re feeling such profound disappointment; what an amazingly inspirational goal. It fires the imagination in do many ways. But it wasn’t to be, through no fault of your own. You’ll get past your disappointment and use that passion to achieve the same goals through alternate means. And we will look forward to reading about it when the time comes!

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    • Thanks Jane. Disappointment is so crushing at the moment, when I’m already struggling in this holiday season. But yes, there will be other opportunities and I will continue doing things to make a difference and honour my mom in the process.

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  3. I understand your frustration but just remember, your Mom is proud of everything you accomplish. If not Boston, there is definitely something else you are meant to do and you will; trust that your mom will guide you.

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  4. I thought for sure that you would get it, too. Maybe next year and in the meantime you can continue the fight for your mom and the fundraising to help others in this battle, and also help with the research and medical advances in this fight. If you ever can come to Central FL (of course I would selfishly want to see you again!), we have the Melissa’s Race for Brain cancer on a beautiful lakefront with an awesome team of families and fundraisers for this very cause. You will be moved and no doubt gain new family in the same fight. https://runsignup.com/Race/FL/Sanford/MelissasRace?remMeAttempt=

    I’m cheering for you throughout all of your amazing races, fundraising and causes that you fight for!

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